Category: Let's talk
like the title says, what has been the saddest day of your life? it doesn't have to be just one, it can be as many as you like. for me, well, it was the day my eldest neace was taken away from my family, and we haven't seen her since. however, i'm having a lot of sad days lately, because some of my family members are, well, very sick, and i mean seriously sick. while i don't want to go into their illnesses up here, i will say that some are life threttening.
hmm let's see, saddest days
Ug can't believe i'm posting these, but whatever.
when my uncle committed suicide
when a good friend of mine committed suicide
when family or other people i was close to or close to someone i loved died cuz of illness and other stuff
when my friend was diagnosed with lukemia
when i had to leave Canada to come live here and start over
when my phone got stolen a few days agoe, but i'm not just sad about that, i'm angry, lol
when i lost other stuff, jewelry, money so on
when i broke up with my first boyfriend when i moved here
when i broke up with my second one in july
when my ex foster mom was really sick and we didn't think she was gonna pull through
When I really thaught i was gonna get arrested back when i was in fostercare, but then i was fucken scared too
When i found out my sight is getting worse
When i realized my mom was getting worse not better, cuz she won't get help and take her meds, therefore she continues to ruin my little brother's life, hurt people around her including herself and so on..i guess that's not really a sad *day*, but yeah
when i had a miscarriage in September, but looking back now, i think it was for the best, still sad though
those were my saddest days
Oh you guys.... I'm going to cry.... let me think, though.
the day my dad's best friend was diagnosed with cancer
the day my good friend's mother quite suddenly was diagnosed with a fatal illness that she'll never get over
the day I left Alaska the first time
the day my best friend's dad died
the day my grandpa's girlfriend died, though we knew it was coming for years, practically her whole life.
the day my cat died
and this isn't a day, but there was a period that lasted around three months when a part of me died.
Well, like the Caribean Princess, I can't believe I'm posting these, but:
The day my baby brother died when a friend of my mom's was drunk and fell asleep on him and suffocated him
The day I was raped by my grandfather
The day I was given up and put in to foster care
The day my mom beat me for talking to CPS, (my tenth birthday)
The day we got in a car accident, and my mother was seriously injured
The day my adovted mom went in to a coma and became unresponsive due to the cancer that spread to her brain (this was two months ago, just two days before she died)
The day my adoptive mom passed away.
god i can't believe i'm posting these either but after all what difference does it really make if they are posted somewhere or not
the days when the violent fighting in my family started when i was 5.
the two days when i had to see my father's attempts to kill my mother not long before their divorce my sisters went away and left me there thinking they would calm down if i was with them. that memory still haunts me.
the about 3 years when my mother's violent abusive boyfriend lived with us.
each day the people in my family remind me that i am the most badly made thing ever and i'm worth nothing.
each day my older sister would get violent and hit us and threatens with knives etc. she's getting better though.
the day when my uncle who was apparently in good health had a heart attack and died.
the days when i found out two friends had cancer and the days they died
the months when my mother was obsessed with me being with a certain guy and if i refused she'd throw me out of the house and i had no place to go and well i wont go into details.
the day i saw the place where some disabled people live and the horrible things happening there that place is in my nightmares whenever i manage to get some sleep.
the months when my ex boyfriend became a possessive abusive asshole and it was just disconfort and fear whenever i was with him or we were on the phone.
the day my mother had a heart attack, thank God she was already in hospital and she had it just while the doctor was seeing her so that's what saved her.
when i broke up with my ex boyfriend at the beginning of this year.
the day not long ago, when someone who called me one of their best friends, someone i cared about deeply told me, i don't care about you anymore. it's all gone. and i don't know why he kept saying it a thousand times. or maybe he only said it once but it would keep echoing in my head i don't know but anyway.
Wow, ok, I can't put them all, but for now:
The day my Uncle Paul died, although it was expected for two months before. He'd been in acoma, cause of drugs, because his fucking bitch "wife" cheated on him and roke his heart so badly he resorted to drugs to be happy. And, well, his daughter had gone around with some guy since she was 14 that was 6 years older than him, he got her pregnant, and you know, they're not even together anymore. Same daughter dropped out of college to take care of said child. Just, fucking crazy.
Um, the year or so my parents fought insanely over a misunderstanding I'd rather not discuss and almost divorced. Ever see your dad cry? I did. Then. Fucking terrible.
And, this wasn't so much sad as just confusing to me because I was so young, but over the course of a year, the same person was raping me, and I just didn't understand, so didn't do anything about it.
The day a person in my school commited suicide. And, well, that whole week of school. I can't count the number of times I broke down that week. And that funeral? Saddest thing, apart from my uncle's, I've ever been to.
The day my first boyfriend dumped me, of course.
The day my second one got high and took his "friends" advice and dumped me because I "loved" him too much or some bullshit.
And to the other posts, that's horrible. Huge hugs to all of you. <3
omg all of you are gonna make me cry
haha i have more but i don't wanna depress myself or anyone else more
huuuge hugs all <3
Oh no, fighting now.....
the christmas eve my dad had to do something terrible to keep my stepmother from seriously hurting me, and I snapped. All I remember was being pushed in to the snow and it was negative degrees outside and I was only in a nightgown. It was scary because I lost my head and started breaking things and attacking people and went so insane, and I screamed, "You said the darkness would never take you, you traitor!" Basically the day I realized my father had become a mentally weak man since his accident. I couldn't live with myself for months afterwards, knowing what I was capable of turning in to and doing to the people I thought loved me--or more accurately, the people who put up with my existance.
Oh you people are making me cry.... huge huge hugs, guys, dont let me cry on you though...
omg this is all so sad. omg!
the days, i foundout 2 of my ex's were cheatting on me with other girls, and one wasn't that long ago either.
the day i foundout the guy i was with for a year, (before zone), was gay, and he only was with me to "see what it was like to be with a woman".
the day i broke someone i really and truly cared abouts heart, cause i couldn't love him with my whole heart....i thought i was doing the right thing by the both of us, but all i did was lose a grate friend in the process, and to this day he never let's me forget that.
the day one of the best dogs i ever had died, alone...i think he knew he was dying, and didn't want us all to see him go, so he died when we were all out of the house.
the day some asshole fed my only cat a piece of meat with, we think, rat poison in it. my mother and i had to helplessly watch the poor cat suffer to death.
omg! i think that's enough for now.
Oh no! Poor kitty, poor dog, poor Liz!
I remember once, we had a dog named Holly. Quite suddenly she fell ill. You could watch her lose weight steadily. Her energy went so fast she couldn't move within a few minutes. She died within the hour, poor puppy... and she was only like, six months old.
aww you guys. I'm so sad, so. The saddest day was when the best dessert I ever had slid down my throat and I can't find it again, lmao :p. I think the really saddest day of my life was when my dad past away and the funeral and stuff. It made it so much sadder because i was only four. ... but that's basically it, well, things that are worth mentioning anyway. and huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge hugs to you all <333
Omg! All of that is so sad! Especially the dog thing...I dont know, I dont really like dogs all that much but for some reason, that was just horrible! Also being reminded everyday that you are the worst thing alive? Omg, that's so not cool! I know exactly how that might feel, though. Also I've almost had to deal with CPS once too!
Ok, my saddest days:
Well, number 1 would have to be when the love of my life got married, and I thought I might never see him again. Omg that was awful! That was on my 19th birthday, too!
When my granpa died, though I was only 7, but I knew then my life would never be the same again.
When my asshole dad left me standing in the middle of nowhere during a funeral, actually that wasn't too sad, it was just a wake up call, rofl!
Every day that I was depressed last year.
When my first serious relationship had to end, and he had to move back home to his parents. That was so awful too!
Also about a few months ago when my possibilities of happiness were over.
Every day I spent in that apartment, being ignored.
And every morning that I wake up from a dream of him, especially the day of my cousin's graduation! That day, i couldn't even go. my grandma told me the day before that she needed to pick out my clothes for me because if not, people would say "Ooo, look how that lady dresses that blind girl"! Those two days were plain awful! And then, if that weren't enough, the day of the "big ceremony", I wake up from a stupid dream about "him", and I wake up only to cry, and I think my grandma saw me! Omg, just makes me angry to think of it! And my mom? On vacation! The selfish bitch doesn't care!
And every day I was sadly reminded of the love I had for the "love of my life", only to be crashed once again.
And when he tells me hurtful things I cry.
And he doesn't get it, I love him so much! He took me out into a world I never saw before!
And every time I have to separate from him it kills me! I know my heart cant take that anymore!
And Christmas always seems so sad, and Thanksgiving too.
And now my mom and stepdad are getting a divorce for the second time, and noone thinks of my brothers.
Separation from my grandma always crashes my heart to pieces! When I was living with him, I cried for her! She is like a mom to me! She is what my mom is not! And when my granfather, (my grandma's father) was very sick, close to dying, my grandma had to be away, and I was very depressed. I came back crying from seeing her, and couldn't go anymore, not even when he finally died a few days later. I had to stay away from people for pretty much that whole couple of months to avoid anyone seeing me upset. That was so awful! My aunt was concerned, and demanded my cousin "stay and take care of me". But that was even worse! That made me angry, she thinks I cant take care of myself!
I hate leaving my grandma! She is getting oldre, And I know when my grandma dies, I will be torn! She is all I have!
I'm sure there is a lot more, but I think you guys have had enough. Thanks for reading...
Awww, fuck, I'm sorry. No, but really, I am. For all of you. And I hope life brings you many happy days, instead of these shit sad ones.
But, here:
When my best friend called me up during a biology test, so of course I ignored it because I couldn't answer during class. Then, remembering a promise we'd made each other, I asked to go to the bathroom, called her back, and discovered she was in the very process of committing suicide in a school bathrrom. Can you believe that? I saved her life, I guess. The days that followed were terrible. I ended up having to tell my mom about it, and that got my friend into counseling, but also kind of fucked up our friendship. She wouldn't trust her counselor, so she'd tell me everything now, and it was so much strain, I had to just tell her I couldn't take it anymore. Now we're not friends, and she sees me as a backstabbing bitch, but at leasat I tried.
Hmmm, well, for awhile, I was severely suicidal myself, and I know some see this as stupid and attention seeking, but I used to cut myself a lot too. To the point that I'd bleed, mostly. And it wasn't for attention. Well, once it was, but mostly, I just needed to release my anger somehow. Sometimes, I couldn't tell people things, and I needed some kind of release from that lonely torture. I've always rathered hurting myself to hurting others, anyway.
Well, a year or so ago, my very best friend and I had this awful fucking fight about something just straight up stupid, and we didn't talk for months. Thank God, we're bestfriends again, but that was horrible. Maybe even worse than a breakup. She's like a sister to me. Knows my entire life. And I know hers. So imagine how it felt? Her parents still hate me, so we really can't hang out too much. But she said she'll get them to chill.
A few weeks ago, I was sad a lot having to deal with a lot of trust problems. As anyone could understand, knowing someone is lying to you about things so much hurts a lot. It always does. So that was awful. I can't even count the number of times I pictured my own suicide.
Well, for now, that's all.
Yeah, I know how some of it goes, omg you guys, omg, huge hugs. I've pictured my own suicide more than a few times. Just the ultimate defiant despairing figurasive scream. When I lived in that hole in the ground for a year there were times when I was suicidal. But toward the end, I just got..... really strange. It's like I snapped or something.... or I regressed. I forgot everything and reading my journal from then just creeps me out..... I can't explain it but it does.
omg! hugs all around. when i was in high school, i had a few points where i thought of suaside, because all my high school years were basically "torcher the blind girl", because i was the only one in the school. once i was even very close to doing it to, everything was ready for me to do it, but as i was about to do it, my family came home, and that's what stopped me. that was the lowest point in my life, and i very nearly went back to it a few years ago, when an ex of mine tryed to control me....well, he did for a while, but thanks to my best friend, i got out of it alive. i was emotionally dead for a long time after that, and unfortunetly, i hurt someone i cared about because of it.
also, another sad day was when my grandma died when i was about 7 or 8, and an aunt died when i was 12.
when i attempted suicide i was 10. was at night and i thought everyone was sleeping but my sister wasn't so my attempt wasn't successful. have thought of it many other times but always tried to find reasons not to, maybe it will get better and things and save my family the trouble of finding me having to clean up a mess and things. when i think less than 2 months ago i found out a certain thing, i'll never be able to live with myself anymore now that i know this and have thought of suicide again for some days after. these last i think 4 months are still being some of the saddest of my life. now to save myself i turned off emotionally, completely. and this is how i want to be maybe for a while maybe forever. some times feelings still try to brake through but i quickly push them away because if i let them in it will kill me.
but now lets forget about this before i make someone sad or cry.
these are in no praticular order.
the day my stepdad was diagnosed with cancer
the day I had to walk my dog out to the truck, so we could go put him down.
the day I learned the truth of just how badly I hurt one of my former best friends
that 24 hours in the box. (there was some fear there too. or rather a lot of it.)
The days where my grandparents nearly caused such a huge fight between me and my sister that we didn't speek for 6 months
the day I had to t talk 2 people out of s suicide
ok, that's enough.
Well, here goes. The day my brother passed away, the day my father passed away. the day I was thrown out of my house. The day I saw my brother for the last time. The day I realized the person whom I loved and cared for so deeply, no longer felt the same. The day my grandmother passed away. the day my aunt passed away. The day the abuse became too much to handle. The day I realized my mother was not likely to ever contact me again. The day the memories began to slip quietly away. These are all incredibly sad days within my life, but I've also learned to take a lesson from each and every one, and live life to it's fullest, one day at a time.
the day my Guide Dog Steven had to leave my house to return to GDB because of cancer.
The day I found out he died
all those depressing days in between when i was not able to focus on anything at school, or at home, and I felt like I was trapped in an abyss of self-loathing, guilt, and depression
Days when anyone near me had died, like during thanksgiving break and the week after.
hugs to everyone on here, and omg, I"m crying ...
this isn't as sad as a lot of others on here, but to me it was heartbreaking.
the day i left the radio station for the last time.
it's a very long and complicated story, but the short of it is that the people there weren't treating me like an equal, just because i'm blind, and it was unnecesarily stressing me out.
Wow, I know, reading through all of this makes me want to cry as well.
The day my first dog (a pet) wasn't there when I woke up from a nap. I found out later that my parents hadn't wanted to wake me up because they knew how upset I'd be. The day we got that dog, Jimmer was his name, I was hardly a baby and he chose to cuddle up to me in the car. I guess that means nothing; he was a puppy and I was just a baby, but it meant so much to me. I couldn't even say goodbye. I came home from school that day, he was on the floor. His cancer had gotten to the point where he couldn't even stand up on his own anymore. It was his time to go, I know. But why couldn't they just wake me up to say goodbye? I always miss him. He was the best dog I've ever known, and no dog can ever be that good. While this story might not sound so bad compared to others, it really hurt me, and I still cry when I think about it.
Lori, I'm already crying... omg, I felt that way when Spaz (my kitty) died, or rather when I found out. I'd been away and they didn't bother to tell me my own mother ran him over.
The day I left the Philippines cause I know it will be a long time again before I’ll be able to see my cousins and friends. The day my grandmother passed away, the day when I found out from the eye doctor’s office that they cannot do anything with my eye condition. After waiting for 20 years, I was so disappointed. Another is when the person I used to love and cared for no longer felt the same way. It could have been okay, but he did not admit it. Instead of being honest with me. I found out about it from a friend. He lied to me by not saying anything. Another was when one of my high school friends betrayed me. She broke my trust by talking behind my back. Another was the day that I was taken advantage off. It was one of the toughest times of my life. Another was every time I had to wait on the waiting area of my school office during our quarterly exams (4 exams for the entire school year) back from elementary to high school just for my parents to pay my tuition and for me to be given the permit to take those exams. This is the reason why I appreciate everything I have because nothing worth it comes easy. You really got to work hard if you want something. Another was when I did not have any food to eat the whole day; my life was really tough when I was back in the Philippines. I had to grow up early to realize how to get around my problems, but so far, I’m doing pretty well. There’s a lot of sad days in our lives, but the only thing we can do about it is to be positive, and to keep on trying different options. There’s always hope if we think about positive solutions instead of complaining about our problems.
I agree, fully. You've got to be as positive as you can because if you're not, life is just terrible. And no one wants to live feeling terrible. Just fucking lie to yourself if you have to. Sometimes, I do. It at least feels nice, you know? To pretend things are alright. When really, things could always be looked at in a way where nothing is ever alright.
i agree. having the sad days, and even happy ones in our lives, helps us learn that life isn't just all smooth and isn't something to be taken lightly. we need good and bad in our lives to help us become the people we want to be, even if it does hurt us to learn the hard way. after going through sad days specially the ones i listed, i think that they happen for a reason....what, i don't kno, but being able to say "hey this happened to me" is a part of working to move past it and live life to it's fullest. i kno we can never forget our sad days, and we shouldn't, because they did happen, and are now a part of us even if we like it or not. i'm not saying to forget they ever happened at all, because the posts i've read on this board are so sad that we've ended up crying as we read them, but it's what we do now, and how we live with things now that counts.
Sarah, glad to kno that i'm not the only one that does that sometimes. i don't do it that much, but yeah, who wants to go through life feeling terible all the time. that's no way to live. i'd rather have people think i'm happy, rather then have people worrying about me, when there isn't a fucking thing they can do for me, because i'm feeling like shit for a while. maybe that's why i don't open up to or trust very many people, i don't kno, but yeah.
Yes that is very true! If we spent all of our lives dwelling on the worst things that have happened to us, there will not be a way to get past it, and even though sometimes its hard, we have to try our best to be strong and move forward. Also i know what it's like to not "feel" anything for a while, and sometimes that really helps. However I dont think it's good to drown out all feeling, because there are some emotions that are very strong and can help heel others. One of the best things I have found is to learn to appreciate the simple things in life, because even such little everyday things such as going to sit outside, going out to eat, working, or even just listening to an annoying bird outside the window in the morning, (these are based off of my personal experience), etc, could be some of the most enjoyable things in life! So it can be hard, but we have to try to appreciate the things we do have, rather than dwell on the things we dont, and move on, in the hopes one day, it will be better. Nothing is perfect, I dont think it will ever be, but we just have to enjoy life to its fullest, even though sometimes we feel like it costs us so much to breathe each day...
And omg you guys!
Yeah, Ashley and Liz, totally agreed. One of my favorite things to do when I'm really low is go out in the rain (if there is any) and just sit for awhile. Or, if I don't feel like getting my ass soaked rofl, just stand there and soak it all in. It's so relaxing. There's something simply beautiful about nature at some times, and using it to rejuvinate yourself, particularly when you're in need of healing, is amazing.
And like I said before, I really hope you guys have way more happy days than sad ones. No one deserves the sadness listed on this board, but like Liz said, don't just block them out because even they have their meanings that I don't think we should live without. Just take it and what it's worth, move on, and try to keep your head up, and always smile. Well, try to smile, anyway. <33
exactly Sarah. even if it's just a little smile for a moment, it does wonders, and just little things also help. if i'm down i either listen to music or go find my dog and give him a cuddle or pat, and it helps because my dog can always cheer me up. so yeah, looking for positive things is way better than living a life of sadness, and just appreciating what we do have now, is way better than letting our sad days rule us.
I totally agree with you all, further more, look for a reason to laugh or smile each day, some days its really hard but just laughing always seemes to help. and here is something I try to doo every day that I've been chalenged to doo sense last year or so. Its simple really, just say or do something good for 3 random people each day, its amazing how one good thing can pull someone's spirits up. you'll even find it makes you feel better.
On a slightly more morbid note, I know what i it is like to live in an emotional shell. I can switch my emotions off in many cases at will. This how ever, has nearly ruened a great f friendship I have. Its better to not rely on something like this because eventually that "safe" shell will crack, if it does when you least expect it and you're trying to avoid pain, you're in deep shit.
I'm wondering if I should make a suggestion for an "overcomers" board or a "survivor's" board. We can vent about the things we're going through and possibly find resources and helpful advice from others.Maybe it could even be part of the Safe Haven board or just a board by itself. I think I will suggest it, so please leave your comments about this particular board on the suggestion that I post. See you there.
Make a separate board for that, yeah. I would definitely read it. And post, too. :)
Yeah, James, going off what you said, I do that too, but the strain it puts on me gets out of control and always ends up awful, although there seems no alternative to building up a kind of shell. Hiding away feels so much easier than anything else, but eventually things build up incredibly, and then sometimes I just get literally sick, or even breathing can start to hurt. The power emotions has over you is insane at times, so you've got to be so careful how you deal with them. Hard stuff, it can be. :(
Yeah, we could vent about anything from annoying people to addictions to illnesses to money circumstances or anything caused by those, but only if we wished to. That's really a good idea. and yeah, I agree. My favorite thing to really relax myself and get my head clear and calm is to go listen to music, but I don't listen to the kind of music most listen to when I'm relaxing.
yes, I know all too well what it is like to have the wait of the shell start to crush you... but still, I sometimes use the shell, its a risc I sometimes need to take.
the shell is my salvation. i probably would have stopped breathing already cause it hurts too much if i couldn't build that shell. it cracked. now i'm on the ground bleeding like hell everywhere
The cold is my salvation. Within there's a place where its utterly numb and cold and I would have wasted away with the pain if not for that...
I've had so many sad days, I can't remember them all. The days when Me and my boyfriend argued a lot, the countless deaths of family and friends, the day I left the blindness training center in boston, the day my best friend flew back home from my house. So many sad days.